Online communication – now we level up!

When we touch each other, we know we are all right. It's soul food in its purest form. So, let's get to that point ♥

Thanks to our newfound level of connectivity, we can help educate each other and find nuance in otherwise stifled rhetoric on a very large scale. And thus, keep the conversation going towards real dialogue and establishment of common ground.

But online communication has gotten a bad reputation. Too much online communication is about performing actions from the collection of no go's you find below.

We are all humans here. And humans mess up and learn - by design.

But for the design to work, we need to learn from our mistakes in online communication and level up on our skills and prioritize our attention a little differently.

Here comes online constructive communication 101.

Ten dos. Ten don'ts. And four barriers you need to know.

First, let's address the barriers. They show that we humans are truly in this together.

4 barriers to constructive online communication

1. Empathy and compassion are more easily bypassed by our brains when online as we do not feel each other to the same extent we do when we are in each other's physical company. We do not get as much input and feedback as we do face to face.

2. We have limited mental capacity, so we take faulty shortcuts that get us nowhere near our aim. For instance, we relate and make real connections in “the whys” (who we are – our core values and defining moments and stories), not “the what's” (hardline positions on politics and the likes), as the whats are interchangeable. If you no longer share the same position at some point, it takes a deeper connection to stay in the group.

3. We need human connection to survive and thrive and have real angst for being othered, so we'll go to great lengths to avoid that.

4. We favour congruence and rationalize our occasional lousy behaviour to have it fit our self-image. So, we are not by default likely to watch and hold ourselves accountable for all our actions.

The 10 don'ts

1. Judge or assume the worst about your counterpart and their point. You'll close yourself off from the conversation and shut down your counterpart.

2. Rationalize bad behaviour to have it fit your self-image as a good person (of course you are, but we all mess up!). Rationalizing comes in the way of making the wrong right again, and thus trust goes down the drain.

3. Rationalize your counterpart's bad behaviour if you feel your boundaries are crossed.

4. Stereotype or label your counterpart. You'll learn nothing about them, and you will hurt, shame, and anger them as you diminish them. No one on the planet is a stereotype. But we can have red hair, dark skin, work in the military, or prefer tea to coffee, as a matter of fact. Never as an explanation for our behaviour, fears, likings and so forth.

5. Not listen.

6. Focus on your part only.

7. Assume you understand the point your counterpart is making before they are done making it.

8. Name call. No one can listen after having been attacked. The communication becomes a battlefield – latent or active, but a battlefield.

9. Ridicule. Same story. (Also, ridiculing is one of those faulty shortcuts to connection. When we meet over trashing someone, it's a connection that has no roots. And it will have you holding your breath for when the tides change and you're at the receiving end of being othered like that).

10. I'll hold this open for any of the devastating moves I forgot to mention or do not yet know of, but you have had happened to you.

The 10 do's

1. Acknowledge that you do not know everything.

2. Be nonjudgemental and generous in your assumptions about your counterpart.

3. Be curious about what core value your counterpart is honouring with their point. It will lead to you understanding your counterpart better.

4. Know and share your own underlying core values regarding the subject, if necessary. It will help your counterpart see you and understand you better.

5. Be curious about the basis of your differences. Ask about details you don't understand.

6. Practice perspective shifting.

7. Listen and actively look for common ground from where you can build a connection.

8. Pay close attention to your intentions and communication and hold yourself accountable so you can make a wrong right.

9. Know your boundaries and be clear about them when necessary.

10. I'll hold this and 100 more spots open for the beautiful connectivity heart-opener approaches I forgot to mention or do not yet know of, but you do.

In conclusion, divisive content makes us not want to listen. And thereby, we miss a chance to get inspired by each other and expand both our individual and shared horizon. And that is what we're here for.

So, be curious, be kind, be creative. Be generously human ♥